MARRIAGE PREPARATION by Ustaz Imtaz yacoob.
*BE ROMANTIC:*
Carry her to her bed when she sleeps off in the parlour, make her feel like a baby at times.
The truth is, *every woman wants to be treated like a 2-year old girl atimes*.
That's why women behave childish or silly sometimes.
You may have an argument with your wife and the next thing is that you will see her taking your bags outside the house,
it doesn't mean she is asking for *a divorce, she is just being childish,* she simply
wants you to hold her, look her in the eyes and say *" I am sorry for the argument"*.
That's women for you.
Every brother needs to study the *University of women* before getting married,
read books about them, learn what the prophet (SAW) said about them and
what Allah said about them, and you will hardly have a problem with them.
Though you will still have problem(s), because *a woman is always a woman*
and her imperfections are there.
Even the wives of the prophet were like that despite their
ilm, heekmah and understanding of the deen except Khadija bint Khuwaylid.
She was the best among them, she was known as taheraah(the pure),
she never shouted at the prophet even though she was old enough to give birth to him,
she was the best wife material, a home maker, a sealed nectar, extremely beautiful,
the creme of Quraysh, sweet scented musk, stainless and untainted to the extent that Allah even sent Angel Jibrael to greet her *(As salamu alaykum).* dresses for older brides
SubhanAllah!
So brothers, read books about marriage, an ideal home, child upbringing, fiqh of marriage and the likes.
Don't just jump into marriage with an empty head about matrimony!
You will have problems.
Even the wife of Umar R.A was once shouting and yelling at him at the top of her voice,
a man wanted to come and complain of the same issue to him but was surprised when he
heard similar thing happening to Umar.
Umar called him and the man explained his reason for coming,
*Umar told him that;*
my wife takes care of the house, do the dishes, feed the animals, bake bread, feed my children
and takes care of me even though all these are not binding on her,
*why shouldn't I also ignore her imperfections?*
My brother, go and do the same to your wife,
and be patient and kind to her for there is no perfection in this world, and rely on Allah, this world is very short ! SubhanAllah !
How many men can tolerate their wives nagging let alone shouting?
Umar said, you should be quiet when your spouse is angry, when one person is fire,
the other person should be water. Brother !
when your wife steps on your feet *intentionally or mistakenly,*
don't let your eyes turn red, just smile at her,
if she did it *intentionally she is just playing with you,*
if she did it *mistakenly its not her fault.*
So, why shout at her over every small mistake?
As a man learn to ignore some things, don't be petty !
Do *hide and seek* with your wife,
sing poems for your wife in the garden or inside the house, even if she is yabbing you.
Assist her in house chores and some other things, don't just be commanding her everyday.
*Bath together with her, wake her up for tahajjud, swim with her if you have the means*.
Cook together, *teach her how to cook if she doesn't know how to.*
Cooking shouldn't be only a woman's duty...
Use blindfold to cover her eyes and tickle her, *scare her atimes, call her from work, text her,*
write *"I love you"* in a small note and put it under her pillow or in
her purse or in her bathroom or inside her cupboard.
All these are part of being romantic.
When a woman tells you that you are not romantic,
It means you are not doing all these things, it's not the romance in the bedroom she is talking about!
That's why brothers we need to study *"women's language"*....
Now sisters, its also part of your duty to be romantic too.
Shyness doesn't mean you should be shy to express your love for your hubby,
some women think that *'haya'* means you should be tough even to your hubby,
your husband is now your mahram by virtue of marriage.
There are 3 kinds of mahram:
*-by blood,*
*-by kinship* and
*-by marriage..*
Send sweet text to your husband at work, sometimes even if you
are together in the same room with your husband chat with him on social networks,
even though he is right there beside you *it's fun !*
You should be mostly chating with your husband, not non-mahrams on social networks.
Buy affordable gift for him no matter how small it's enough
for you to win his heart e.g. flowers.
When eating atimes use your spoon (or hand) *to feed him like your baby* ,
learn how to make snacks, cokies etc to make him happy...
*Sister!*
use your soft voice to sing for him, be creative, a poem like
*(twinkle twinkle lovely spouse, how I wonder what you are, up above my world so high, like a diamond in my heart).*
Sing poems for him, no shyness there.
Al khansaa and khawlaa bint azwar used to sing,
ibn qayyim and imam shafi used to compose poems.
*It's sunnah...*
When your husband has gone to work, clean the house and tidy up yourself don't
let him come back and see you the way he left you in the morning,
cook his favourite food frequently, make it ready for him on the dining table or a safe place,
tidy up yourself and the entire house again and wear a seductive
dress so that when he comes back from work the first thing he will see is his pretty
darling wife dressed as a better person (new bride).
His love for you will surely increase by the day...
Everybody can be romantic whether poor or rich you can do it at your on level,
*it's all about contentment !*
Don't just be welcoming your husband with *an angry face*
because their is no money in the house or you're not in good mood at least smile , Allah is Ar-razaq,
*he is the provider.*
Welcome him with a warm hug always ( don't be shy he's your property ),
and when he is going to work, *make dua for him to return safely.*
*Support him, advise him, wipe his tears,*
be grateful to him because it's not easy to be a man,
when you see his Iman depreciating preach to him,
*-don't ask him for divorce,*
*-don't compare him with other men interms of richness,*
*-don't describe women to him,*
*-buy gifts for him too, cat-walk for him, sing for him,*
*-praise him in a way that he wouldn't think of a second wife,*
*-be the best cook ,*
*- tidy up his car (or bike if has), dress him up, take care of him when he's sick...*
Wake him with a peck and don't complain about his earnings..
Ask him to teach you about hadith, fiqh, seerah, usool and others..
Umar ibn khattab said,
*"Be good to ur wives,"*
be like a kid to her in the bedroom, *but when things get tough stand up and act like a man..*.
Brothers don't just jump on ur wives like animals, *the prophet (SAW) said,*
"when any of you meet his wive(s), let there be a messenger *(kissing* ) *between you and her"*....
(muslim)
Start with *foreplay then others...*
Read books on intimacy, don't learn it from what you see in movies !
Most of what you see are haram...
Always call your husband with *special names,* be creative !
Though you can also call him by his name even if he is 20yrs older than you,
as far as he is comfortable with it...
Remember that Allah said, men are the protectors and maintainers of women.
So respect him and honour him even if he is younger than you.
Marriage isn't a *bed of roses but a bed of sacrifice*...
The prophet said,
*"there is nothing better for two people who love each other than marriage"*...
Imam ibn qayyim said;
*"To fall in love is a disease and its cure is to marry the person one is in love with."*
Love is when you take away the feeling,
the passion and
the romance and
*you find out you still care for that person...*
Finally, married men, divide your nights into 3:
one for yourself (sleeping),
one for your wife and
one for your lord.
*That's the best night*..May God help us all..
Try and forward it to other muslim *brothers and sisters*